I have lived for many years under the message cloud: “You are not good enough.” I really don’t know exactly at what age it started, but I can remember back to junior high when I was the awkward girl with B.O., braces and a literal “crater face” (after my bout of chicken pox). I wore thrift store clothing before it became cool. My best friend was the most popular girl in our class and when we went to the mall, I’d often get overlooked by the random boys who flocked to her side. If I did get their attention, it was usually a quizzical glance that seemed to ask “Why are you here?”
Despite how I sell my sob story, there were also a lot of people who liked me and as I developed into a high school student and then a college student, my friend base grew larger and larger. But I still could not shake that abusing voice, “Alana, you’re pudgy. Look at your butt, it barely fits in your jeans” and “You may have big dreams, but you are never going to reach them. You never finish anything you start.”
I have lived with these voices my entire adult life. I’m done with it. I’m stepping up, recognizing these words for what they are (lies) and proclaiming truth over my life.
Now we come to, why are you here? 1). Probably because I invited you to come check out my writings (thanks for stopping by). 2). This is my desire for you as you read through these pages: That you will find a renewed sense of hope. That you will realize for yourself, “I matter. My opinions matter. My decisions matter” and lastly, I wish for you to experience renewed energy and new perspectives.
If one person feels alive again because of the words I share, then this blog will have been a success.
However, I am still scared. What if no one comes to my site? What if they only come once, yawn, and never come back? Well, this is my way of fighting back against those voices. I’m just going to keep on talking.