If You Knew the Truth, Would You Still Like Me?

Do you have a secret that you would be mortified if others found out about you? Perhaps it is something you did in your past; maybe it was something that was done to you. Perhaps there is a flaw on your body that only you know about and it keeps you from getting close to others. All three of these were true for me.

Since beginning this blog, I’ve had a surprising amount of feedback – primarily from people who knew me as an adolescent – that were shocked to hear that I have (and do) deal with so many insecurities. As a teenager, I was liked and accepted by most groups, but still dealt with voices that told me I was not popular enough or worth knowing.

Last week, one of my childhood friends e-mailed me and told me that she couldn’t believe the things I thought about myself. This message caused me to wonder if I had hid these feelings from others. Then I began to wonder if I hid these feelings even from myself. How is this possible? I don’t even know. However, throughout the rest of the week I contemplated this notion and realized it is true! There are feelings I have mashed down inside of me. Memories of things I have done to others, said to others and things that were done to me. I push them deep inside because when I remember them, I feel gross. I feel heartless. I feel pain.

The Lie.
There is something about our culture – and quite possibly many other cultures – that lead us to believe that it is healthier to hold all these things inside. The voices tell us, “If you expose this about yourself, they will think you are a craaaazy fool.”

The Reality.
Often times when we show and experience our vulnerability, it brings others closer to us – especially for those who are viewed as having everything together. Yeah right. No one has everything all together.

If you do choose to be vulnerable, there will be people who reject you; but it is quite possible that it will be because you are willing to show your flaws and it scares them. If you show yours, then they feel pressure to unveil their own and they just might not be ready for that.

But I’m here to tell you today, my experience of exposing myself has brought an immensely higher reward than what I have felt by keeping my mouth shut.

The below video is a presentation Josh and I shared immediately prior to walking down the aisle on our wedding day. We admit, we are broken, but through faith in Christ Jesus we are healed.

Advertisements

22 thoughts on “If You Knew the Truth, Would You Still Like Me?

    • Thank you Kent. This morning I remembered something that Dan Miller said at Speak It Forward, “You speak because you have a message you can’t contain.” This is exactly how I felt when writing this post. Someone shared some information with me the other day and then immediately feared rejection. This was after I already started writing this post. It was another confirmation that it was okay to share these feelings and fears publicly.

  1. Thanks for sharing your blog Alana! I didn’t get a chance to respond from your initial post, but I appreciate your candidness and your willingness to break the mold on this subject and presentation of your thoughts. As I’m sure it is difficult to share your real feelings with people. I remember your video from your wedding and gather that sharing these past hurts, mistakes and trials not only humbled you but opens you and others up for the reality of no longer lying to ourselves or others. Accountability to yourselves and others is a huge part of our jounery with the Lord and with fellow believers. I pray that our of your blog other may realize these and other truths about themselves as well.

    Your words are inspiring and what you have felt in the past does not have to consume you today. I’d love to know what truths you are believing about yourself today even if you continue to struggle with insecurities. God’s word has a multitude of truths that we sometimes forget because the world covers them up in our busyness, pride, relationships, etc. I like to write them down to have them visible to me in a regular place. If I can’t memorize them (since that is getting harder to do as I get older) than I can surely read over them daily and believe they are truth about who I am in Christ.

    Be encouraged today and know that you are encouraging others with your openess and your story. Keep writing!

    Jenean

    • Jenean, thank you for your thoughts! I have personally experienced a lot of freedom sharing through this blog. I receive quite a bit of feedback that is not directly posted on the site (via e-mail, text, etc.) and I’m thrilled that others can connect with my joys, frustrations and motivations.

      It is interesting that you bring up that you would like to know what truths I am believing about myself. I will be making a post in the near future on a topic along these lines! I am spending a lot of time processing what it means to have value, what it looks like and where it comes from.

      I like your idea of writing down affirmations about yourself. I have created a Vision Board with some of these affirmations, but I would like to have a list of them as well that I can review daily; possibly stick it in my wallet.

      Thank you so much for your comment, Nean!

  2. Nice posting! The youtube video is yours? Youtube is blocked at work and when I tried to view it on my phone I get a message that the creator hasn’t allowed for it to be played on an iPhone. Could you allow it?

      • I was able to see the video, thanks for working it out for me…
        Anywho, it’s a very nice video, very insightful on how you two viewed yourselves and how you intended to move through life together. Thank you for taking the time to write this blog :-).

      • Great! Chad, it was good to see you the other night at Mars.

        Thank you for your feedback. Before Josh pulled it out for me, it had been a few years since I watched this video. It was a good reminder of the commitments we made to each other. It was also a great reminder that I will always be a work in progress. It sucks, but I’m learning to appreciate the journey and not always just focus on the destination.

  3. Wow! Powerful, honest, raw and … profound.

    Loved the message, loved the music, loved the lesson and loved your grin at the very end.

    There’s so much I don’t know … and posts like this remind me why I love the blogosphere.

    -MJ

    • PS — I showed our youngest (17) the video – he is very thoughtful and completely into music … his words? “Wow … that was really really good and makes me think.”

      You have a knack for this … keep at it!!

      • NICE! This made me smile really big! I’ve had a few people tell me since watching the video that Josh and I need to make more. Its awesome that we are reaching a larger demographic than I ever imagined.

    • I know, MJ! Until I started my own blog, I did not really follow other blogs. Now I am amazed at all the awesome things people share – whether it be information or personal life stories.

      Josh produced and edited the music video. He is very talented. 🙂

  4. Pingback: My Forgotten God | My Blog

  5. A wonderful message. A great video. Yes, we are all broken. Ironically, the story of the woman touching Jesus’ cloak came up this week during the dinner conversation with my relatives. How appropriate!

  6. Wow, this is awesome. I am going to write a post based upon this and link back to this one – I’ll probably even link to your video (if that’s alright). My blog’s at http://preengaged.com

    Your post and video reminded me of a time many years ago when I was helping out the youth pastor with the high school group. Another friend of mine was doing the same. He grew up being more rebellious, but he came to Christ. One Saturday afternoon, I got a call from him: “Eric?” “Hey, man, what’s up?” “I’m struggling right now. I’ve been viewing pornography and I’m close to masturbating and I needed to confess it so that I can stop this cycle.”

    Whoa. Nobody previously had ever been that blunt about their sin with me. Did I think less of him? No. I respected him. It took guts to do that. As a result, I have shared my sins a bit more freely too. After all, Christ didn’t come for the perfect, He came for the sinner – and He is sanctifying us toward holiness… we’re not there yet, but should be striving for it.

    Thank you for the reminder. Wonderful post.

    • Eric, thank you for your feedback! I agree – it totally takes guts to be vulnerable. I feared rejection even while I was writing/posting this one. haha. I would love it if you linked back to this post/video! I quickly scanned your site this morning, but hope to spend a little more time on it later this week.

      Just out of curiosity, how did you come across my blog?

      • Feel free to stop by PreEngaged and soak it in. lol Lots of good content over there (not that I’m biased [smile]).

        How I found you… I think it originated from Justin Lukasavige’s Coach Radio site – a comment on there linking to your husband’s blog and then clicking on your blog from there. Wonderful world of links we live in!

    • lol. I’ve done that before too… even to the point that I find myself beginning to write the exact same comment I did the first time. 🙂

  7. Alana, what a gorgeous display of brokenness and vulnerability. I arrived at your blog via a comment you made on another blog, and I’m absolutely delighted to have found you. I’ve paged through some and will look forward to reading more. I, too, recently wrote about fighting the mixed tape in my head that says I’m not good enough, smart enough, or beautiful enough. Basically, the tape says that I am simply not enough. On the one hand, I agree with your assertion that these are lies. I’d love to be able to tell you I’m completely finished with these lies, but that would most likely be a lie in itself. On the other hand, I know that I am not enough. It’s only through Him, His grace, and His mercies that I’m salt of the earth, light of the world, part of His family, a new creation, a citizen of heaven, an heir to His kingdom, chosen and dearly loved. I am grateful that even though the lies do still rear their ugly heads on some days that I can cling to His promises.

What do you think?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s