Last Friday, I posted on an Experiment I was going to try for one week. I am reading a book in which the author suggests we are able to find answers to questions we are struggling with if we merely write down the question in the evening. When we wake up in the morning, we are to journal our thoughts about the questions we asked the night before.
I came up with a variety of answers to questions I asked each night. Some nights I wrote down three questions and in the morning recorded answers for all three questions. Some days the answers came immediately and other days I could find myself trying to avoid writing down the answer.
There are specifically two people I have continued to dream about literally almost every night for the past two weeks. Sometimes they only make a quick appearance in my dreams, other nights they are the focal point. So, the first evening, I asked “Why do I keep dreaming about ___ and ___?” I did not care for the answer I found the next morning. Bottom line: I was not being real with these two people and needed to confess to them how I was really feeling. Have I done this yet? Yes. I had a conversation with one of them two days ago. It went well and it was good to finally clear the water and also to speak up for myself. As a result of this conversation, we made a few changes in how we will interact together. I think these changes will help both of us to stay more on top of our goals.
The other person? I have not talked to this person yet. Honestly, I don’t want to. Dealing with this person makes my blood boil and my heart pound in my chest. I know I need to eventually talk with this person, but I am definitely feeling cowardly right now.
Now for the doozy… which ironically involves the person I just mentioned above. Ugh.
On Evening 4 of this week, I asked “How can I interact with ___ on a daily basis and still be happy?” I wrote this question at 11:07pm on 10/31/11.
I woke up the next morning and before even having the thought of “Oh, I’m tired. I want to stay in bed” this thought plagued my brain: “Show ____ love no matter how you feel.” I must admit, my thoughts were then filled with expletives. This showed up in my journal: I can’t believe I woke up with this answer – literally woke up with it. I don’t even remember the question so I’ll read it now… this means I have to actually acknowledge ___… Then I went on to realize that I may be the only person who does not acknowledge this person when they come into contact. I realized how it may make them feel and put myself in their shoes for once. ::sigh::
This experiment was helpful in clarifying a few things I already knew, but also brought to the surface a few issues I did not realize I had … both with myself and with others. It sucks to admit that I have these feelings toward others – especially because I tell you that everyone has value. I still truly believe this. Even the people that drive me crAAZY have value. Now that some things have been brought to the surface, I can work on ways to deal with them. The first thing? Show ___ love no matter how I feel.