The Significance of Date Night

MJ and her husband

I met MJ at a Vision Board class in October and immediately found myself drawn to her warm and inviting spirit. During our time together, the way she spoke of her husband caught my attention. She spoke of him with respect. Love. Endearment. I asked how many years she had been married and she replied, “19 years.” I was shocked! Unfortunately, it is more common to hear a woman complain about her husband, than it is to hear her praise him. Especially after that many years! I asked MJ to share her tips on keeping romance alive and she smiled and said, “Keep dating!”

It’s “date night!”

The hubbs & I schedule regular “date nights” and have since we met 20 years ago. You see, we became an instant family when we married (more here) so we’ve never have had time that was just “ours.” We’ve always been parents and that’s OK – that’s the life we chose and neither of us would change it. Our way to navigate some time together has been to schedule it, as a way to reconnect and reaffirm what we already know. Many times we didn’t have the money for a sitter or to go out; we still made time for each other. More here.

I’m glad we have prioritized this because:

Date nights mean “I hear you.”
Date nights mean “I love you.”
Date nights mean “I’m here for you.”
Date nights mean wearing something other than “Mom & Dad” clothes, a whiff of cologne, cleavage, a buttoned-down shirt, a swirly skirt and lipstick.
Date nights mean “You are still it for me.”
Date nights mean singing our songs, telling our work stories, and being in the moment.
Date nights mean comfort, warmth, passion and love.
Date nights mean “In spite of everything around us – jobs – kids – family – I still choose time with you over everything – and everyone – else.”

I love that he schedules tee times early enough so that he can come home, shower, change and spend the night with me. What girl wouldn’t love that in her man?

He loves that I use my time to do what interests me and, when he returns, he’s greeted by a warm and willing companion who looks nice, feeds him and wants to spend her night with him. What guy wouldn’t love that in his girl?

At the January “State of the Union” Presidential address, a rather large fuss was made about how “both sides of the aisle” abandoned their polar positions and sat together, effectively inter-mixing the powers that be.

It’s startling that this was news. Grown-ups acting civilly towards each other. Really?

I can’t speak for Congress but, for us, date nights have always been the buoy we swim to against the undertow of daily living.

How about you? How do you maintain the state of YOUR union?

***********************************************************************************************************

Meet MJ…a country mouse living in the city; a Saskatchewan farm girl, MJ’s now a proud U.S. Citizen and, in Canada, holds dual citizenship. MJ is a writer and she’s also a wife, mom, nana, daughter, farm girl, cousin, sister, co-worker, friend and a million other things. (Mischievous imp? Tricky Minx?) She loves to cook and will admit to stirring the pot. Cheeky, practical, sentimental and romantic. And a lifelong Elvis fan. That’s MJ. Stop and visit her at emjayandthem.com.

© Emjayandthem. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from the author of this blog is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that complete and distinct credit is given to Emjayandthem with specific direction to the original content (please link to the URL of the post you like.) Thank you.

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26 thoughts on “The Significance of Date Night

  1. Pingback: On guesting | Emjayandthem's Blog

      • … I remember driving away from that class and thinking about the experience and the people I’d met. You – and our conversations – lingered with me. I appreciate your asking me to write a guest post and am looking forward to reading more of your insightful commentaries 🙂
        MJ

      • MJ, thank you again for guest posting today! It definitely impacted me that you are still madly in love with your husband and still actively investing into the relationship. As I mentioned at the beginning of the blog, I feel like this is becoming more of a rarity. It is marital relationships like yours (and that of my friend Laurie Pokorny who also commented on this page) that inspire me and give me hope for all that is to come. 🙂

  2. Alana, thank you for giving MJ the opportunity to be your guest. She’s a wise soul, and I have learned and been reminded of many things, thanks to MJ.

    MJ, this was excellent. Long live Date Night!

    • Thank you, Dianna. That picture is from the Citizenship party that hubbs threw for me .. one of my best days! Your sweet comments made my day. Be sure to check out Alana’s insights as well as those of her guest posters — some really insightful writing here. 🙂

      Cheers! MJ

  3. AMEN! to date night! I’ve been happily married for 26 years and my husband and I always take time out for much needed one-on-one time. Perhaps that’s the secret to a successful marriage. Taking the time to really “be” with one another. Thanks for sharing.

    • Hi Laurie! Thanks for your thoughts. I love it when you comment on the site. 🙂 You and Gary have also been a huge inspiration to me. There have been many times when you told me of you and Gary hanging out on the back deck on a summer night and I thought, “I hope Josh and I are like that.” I can tell from your stories that you are each other’s best friend.

    • and a “high five” to you for doing it 🙂 I agree that taking the time to “be” together is where it’s at … and I also find that giving each other time to “be” ourselves – to do what inspires and motivates us keeps us interested and interesting. He would never take a Vision Class, for example, but he was intrigued that I did.

      Thanks for commenting, Laurie. MJ

      • … and I also find that giving each other time to “be” ourselves – to do what inspires and motivates us keeps us interested and interesting…

        SO TRUE.

  4. Thank you to everyone to stopped on over today to view and support MJ’s post! MJ, you have a great following and a talent for writing. 🙂

  5. Great post! Having been married for 10 years I’ve FINALLY figured out that my version of a “date night” is not the same as my husband’s! For him… he couldn’t care less about seeing me in a swirly skirt and lipstick! He’d far rather see me in sweatpants on the couch with a beer. What he really wants is for me to BE with him. Fully with him. No laptop, no iPod, no cell phone. Just sitting next to him watching a movie (not even in sexy lingerie! seriously, he digs the sweatpants – ha!). But that’s what’s important to him. Quality time doing something relaxing together like watching a movie. And that’s so hard for me! I really have to schedule it because when I get home from teaching a full day of fitness classes I turn on my laptop and plop on the couch and get to work on responding to all my work emails and doing bookkeeping and social marketing my classes… and low and behold it’s 11pm and I haven’t even looked at my husband all night! So, like you, MJ, we have to schedule that time together. It just looks different for us than the cologne and lipstick : )

    • Kate – you make an awesome distinction – it will be different for each man … and sometimes what a man wants may change based on his mood. It’s so good that you are learning what works for you guys. I feel like I’m just at the beginning of learning what works for us and we have been married 5 years!

      • Yes, I’m with you Kate — it’s really about being together, whatever that means :). You don’t have to go out, you don’t have to dress up (we do, a little bit anyways) but the point is the gift you give is your time … Cheers! MJ

  6. Hey, great post, as always, MJ! You are an inspiration on many levels!

    Rob and I have not done a good job of having a regular date night, and I think it has been detrimental to our relationship. We have done regular vacations togegether, just as a couple, even when our kids were young, making a few days or a week away together a priority. But probably a regular night out would have been more effective.

    After 30 years together…married in college, raised kids, both worked…we are finally rewriting the rules to work for us. Wish us luck!

  7. What a great guest post! Of course, MJ is terrific and those of us who read her regularly already know that. She had many kind words for you as well, and I’ll be checking out more of your ‘musings’ too.

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