Running at My Fear

Most people would rather avoid conflict than face it; Annnnnd there is a select few who enjoy it and seek it out. Not me. 🙂 I have a relationship that is causing a lot of conflict. I’m pretty sure neither of us are happy right now. I have been trying to deal with the issue by… avoiding it. Awesome, I know. Last night while hanging out with a couple girlfriends, they called me out on how I am showing up in this relationship. One of them lovingly warned, “There is some type of lesson that you need to learn here. Whether it is learning to stand up for yourself or just learning how to deal with conflict in general… If you don’t deal with it now, it will come back ten-fold the next time around.” YIKES! And she is so right. I’ve had similar conflicts in the past. I have run away from most of them. Each time they reared their nasty head, they were far worse!

I spent last night and this morning trying to explain away why I do not need to resolve it; And then I had a few revelations…

What fear are you running away from?
Imagine what freedom and movement you would experience in your life if you chose to run at that fear! Is the freedom worth losing out on?

Other related posts:
2012: The Year of Facing My Fears
Freeing Myself From Captivity
Beware. Crazymakers Ahead.

Recommended Read:
If You Want to Walk on Water, You’ve Got to Get Out of the Boat by author John Ortberg.


I ended up having a conversation with the person later that week or the following week. Since then, it has not been tumultuous! There has been a calm and a common respect between us. We are not friends, but it is definitely no longer excruciatingly uncomfortable to be in each other’s presence. As a side note, prior to “the conversation” I was having multiple dreams about this person, for weeks on end. As soon as we had the conversation – wah-lah! The dreams stopped! Crazy how that works.


9 thoughts on “Running at My Fear

  1. I’m proud of you for even entertaining the idea. There is no guarentee that we won’t have difficult/conflicting relationships in the future (in fact we can probably count on it!), but taking action now will teach us something about the next time. And maybe it’s just a simple lesson of don’t let the conflict brew. I had a very wise person tell me “imperfect action is better than perfect in-action.” You inspire me to take action and do the hard work!

  2. Alana! Wow, this is so good. You are so right about the freedom it brings when confronting the issue instead of avoiding it. Well, like Shelbe said, you inspire me 🙂

    • Halsey, Yes! I am looking forward to the freedom and jolt of energy once I fully have this conversation. I’m also realizing how much we build up our fears in our heads. My experience is that the fear I am building up is pretty much always far worse than the reality.

  3. “If we always do what we’ve always done, we always get what we’ve always gotten.”

    It’s scary to make a change – especially when we’ve been the compromiser in a relationship – but the benefits far outweigh the fear.

    Good luck to you!

    • MJ – well said! The benefits absolutely far outweigh the fear! It’s pretty crazy, even in actually making the decision that I would follow-through on this has increased my confidence!

      • Yes! Because taking control, taking back the reins from the runaway cart, gives us the confidence we need to silence the negatives and go for it. Bests to you 🙂 MJ

  4. Pingback: Running at My Fear (pt. 2) | musings of a shiny penny

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